so there’s kind of a trope of non-fleshy beings like robots and idk glowy orb consciousnesses seeing fleshy beings as super gross because we’re made of meat and we poop and so forth
but
the very concept of ‘gross’ only makes sense if you are vulnerable to poison and contagion
if you don’t have flesh, there’s no real qualitative difference between blood and orange juice
robots shouldn’t even be able to be grossed out, or if they are, they should be grossed out by stuff like this
the wwires are just sticking out not even attached to anything ewwwwww
robots don’t really understand the intricate circumstances under which humans won’t touch dead things but god fucking help you if your passwords aren’t secure.
*robots having to spray silicone sealant on their joints so they don’t have to worry about anything important rusting over (if Ratch catches you skipping this crucial step he will weld you to a med bay and do it himself. It’s not pleasant)
*Robots pitching a fit when they get sand in their unmentionables and having to take a 45 minute shower just to get half of the damned grit out of their grilles.
*Robots playing in the water!! Dunking each other and having splash fights and all that cute shite!!
*“Hey guys the ocean is full of free dogs!!”, “SIDESWIPE, THAT IS NOT A DOG PUT IT BACK!”, *Great White: :D*
*“WHAAAAAAAAALES!!!”, “Wheeljack you cannot just rush up to them they are classified as endangered by the humans-Wheeljack? WHEELJACK NO!”
*“What is this nonsense?”, “I believe it’s called ‘seaweed’”, “…I don’t like it”
*Big ass beach umbrellas for taking nice long naps under.
*Could you imagine the sand castles though?!
“It’s a bit excessive don’t you think?”, “I don’t understand why you would say that. It looks perfectly fine to me!”, “…how many sand castles do you know have foyers, Hoist?”
*Sunhats!
*“Didn’t we have more people with us?”, “idk, man I’m still trying to get over that horde of jellyfish”, *back at the beach, Ratchet slumbers underneath six feet of sand only to awaken and emerge like some eldritch horror. People are screaming, he scratches himself at growls irritably at them before transforming and moving on.*
GOD I WISH I WAS A BETTER WRITER SO I CAN EXPAND ON THIS BUT YEAH,
ROBOTS ON THE BEACH!
FREE DOGS AND SUNHATS!!!
This is why I love this fandom.
Now I totally want the ‘Con version
Rumble and Frenzy: Hey Boss, this giant murder fish followed us home, can we keep it?
hey so the more i think about what the cybertronian government in tfa must have been like the more fucking terrifying it becomes
(this is from what i remember of the show itself, don’t quote me on the specifics of what was said/not said about cybertron’s wartime government)
– during the decepticon war, it’s likely the government was converted by the elita guard into something like a military state the same way the roman empire was under caesar, meaning the autobot army ruled the planet
– this would mean the ENTIRE PLANET was run by autobots – that’s not equivalent to anything we have on earth, that’s an entire population being comprised of one faction in a galactic civil war, that’s a planet made up entirely of one unified army
– whatever legislative body cybertron had was itself not made up of any decepticons during this time (obviously), so it’s power may have been extremely limited under the magnus, or disbanded altogether. there’s no evidence to my knowledge that ultra magnus just made decisions unilaterally, or was the final opinion in the wartime government
– from what we know about the decepticon army, most of their ranks came from laborers, construction/demolition, anything that required large frames, decepticons being buy in large an order of magnitude bigger than autobots – all of this to say, there must have been a MASSIVE energon shortage when the majority of the farming/mining/laboring population of cybertron joined the decepticons
— (this may have actually contributed to instilling the stereotype of small autobots and huge decepticons, because a cybertron with limited energon supply couldn’t have been able to produce and maintain massive war machine soldiers en masse the way the nomadic decepticon army could)
— further, this must have significant implications for autobots like bulkhead, who is not only a former laborer (an energon farmer), but incredibly large for an autobot – this may be why he was treated with more derision than other cadets at the academy, on top of being seen as a “hick”
– a military government on cybertron would most likely mean the judicial system would be almost entirely military tribunals instead of civil courts, or else civil courts run by members of the Elite Guard
— (further, it’s seems unlikely because of chronology, but conceptually there’s nothing stopping animated’s cybertron from having a system like idw’s aequitas, which was notoriously a moral pothole. a military-run cybertron, however, i have no doubts would pounce on the idea of a computer built to detect guilt, and combined with the types of experimentation shown to be done by autobots in tfa, that idea might be taken even further)
– a civilian population would be converted into autobots pretty much entirely in this case, with government being made up of higher and higher ranking members of the military, judicial courts converted to tribunals
– would democracy even function in this case? a world run by a single government system headed by a caesarian ruler with the entirety of what is now a population made exclusively of soldiers as subjects, any kind of power checks eradicated or made inert in favor of following a military chain of command? private industries most likely nationalized to aid the war effort, recruitment on a planet-wide scale, those who chose to remain neutral shunned, those born in the wrong FRAME TYPE stereotyped as decepticons/decepticon sympathizers. what is there to vote for when your planet is autobot controled, autobot run, and autobot populated?
– in the line of succession, sentinel prime would most likely take on the mantel of magnus next, meaning whatever government cybertron adopted/was converted into during the war, sentinel prime would be the one to continue that legacy. and with his xenophobic attitude, it stands to reason a post-war cybertron like the one hinted at by season 4 might be even worse than a wartime cybertron
Lmfaoooo, I just imagined?? A silly TFA soul mate-wrist thing?
I know this AU has been done a million times but like?? Imagine Optimus hiding his from his peers and no one knows why? They’re like… oh, maybe he’s embarrassed…
But the truth is that he thinks he’ll be tried for treason before he even graduates the Academy because it is there he learns that damn name on his wrist is ALSO the name of the warlord responsible for this war he was born into????
Just imagine an instructor being like “A name you should all do well to remember… and that name is… Megatron.” And Optimus goes “EEP.”
“Something wrong, Optimus?”
“NO, NOTHING, UHHH HE’S JUST SO SCARY, IS ALL…”
Umm??? Can I add to this???
Assuming the events of TFA still happen maybe Optimus purposely doesn’t let Megatron know his name on earth.
Like in the og Megatron calls Optimus ‘Prime’ all of the time because he don’t give a fuck but here maybe Optimus purposely doesn’t let anyone say his name.
Like it’s the middle of a typical battle and Prowl is like
“Opti-!”
And Optimus is constantly interjecting with, “YES PROWL I, THE PRIME AM PAYING ATTENTION”
And everyone involved even the Decepticons are just like, “The fuck is wrong with this guy”
I’m cackling. One day, Megs and pals knock Optimus out and start grabbing him to take him as a hostage or something, and Bumblebee runs up like, “Hey! You let Optimus go!!!”
And Megs goes bolt-stiff.
“…O….. Optimus???? That can’t be–” and he quickly flips the poor guy around, frantically searching for the wrist with his own damn name on it, and finally, “Oh… slag.”
“Change of plans, Blitzwing. You all hold them off while I… uh, secure the prisoner. Do not return to base until I say so.”
“You have our word, Lord Megatron.” *clik wrr* “And MY AXE!” *swings Optimus’ confiscated battle axe*
(I’m gonna start this with a… Should we colab on this… Or….?)
I want a scene where Megatron is kinda really concerned about it.
Like yes he has a responsibility to the Decepticons and yes he’s gotta take back Cybertron but right now? He’s gotta figure out a way to fix this mess.
Do you know how many times he’s tried to kill or had threatened to kill the Prime? So he’s absolutely panicked about what Optimus is gonna do when he wakes up and oh God didn’t Starscream actually Kill Optimus once? This is such a mess oh God-
“Are you gonna just stare at me all day? Or ee we gonna get down to the torture?”
AND WHEN DID OPTIMUS WAKE UP!?
Never could Optimus have imagined a warlord’s plating was capable of jolting as dramatically as that– but it definitely did– and now here he was, trying not to let it occupy his thoughts more than his escape protocols. How long will it be until he can loosen these cables…? Damn…
Megatron quickly gained composure and tried to take control of the situation, “I should be the one asking questions here….. Prime.”
Oh hell, he hesitated.
And the little Autobot noticed, if the subtle squirming stopping was of any indication.
Slag it all.
“As it stands, I only have one for now: what is your name?”
(I hope it’s ok if I cut in briefly?)
Optimus told him.
And then took entirely too much pleasure in watching the fearsome Lord of the Decepticons raise both servos to his helm in a gesture most certainly learned from a human (after all, Cybertronians had no hair TO tear), glare at him with utter frustration, groan, and then lower his servos.
“Of all the slagprocessored…” Megatron looked at his wrist, then at Optimus, then back again, and Optimus had to admit, it was nice to see that Megatron was handling this worse than he had.
“Yeah,” he said, because there were times and places for discretion and this wasn’t one, “now imagine having to hide it from the Elite Guard all your function.”
This was a problem.
Megatron had always imagined someone larger, more intimidating, more Decepticon. A name like Optimus didn’t lend itself well to someone so… So… Autobot. But perhaps, Megatron pensively admitted, this may be caused by his ideals, not the reality.
“This… Complicates things,” Megatron admitted.
“No shit Sherlock,” Optimus bit back, though it lacked a certain spark to it.
Optimus had relented long ago that it was very unlikely he would ever really bond. Perhaps once apon a time, as an idealistic Prime on his was to a council seat there was hope; a hope for a bond bringing peace. But now? A spacebridge technician with little more than a small team at his side. He had long ago squashed any childish dreams of this working. He had moved on already.
So let Megatron’s rejection come. They would clear the air, and go back to fighting. Simple.
…right?
Megatron stared down at the smaller mech and sighed. He was lonely; after the first few million years (and a very ill-advised fling with Starscream that had literally ended explosively), he’d grown resigned to the fact someone had probably killed this “Optimus” early in the war.
No, apparently, quite the opposite.
Primus. He was so tiny. He had a ‘sparkmate’ (like he believed that slag!) (okay, he did, a little, you had to with Strika and Lugnut around) that he could break onehanded.
Who was staring at him with something like resignation.
“You’re a spacebridge technician,” Megatron said, and watched Optimus hunch smaller. “What the frag is someone so…competent doing as a spacebridge technician?”
Optimus reset his optics. Then his audials. Then his optics again.
“… Are you making fun of me?” He asked, half incredulous, half dumbfounded. He narrowed his optics in scrutiny as Megatron formed an answer.
“Of course not!” said the Decepticon warlord, “I haven’t fought an Autobot with your skill and stubbornness since… since Ultra Magnus himself would grace the field! All you’re missing is that damned hammer…”
Something glazed over Optimus’ optics at the mention of his leader.
“Don’t get any ideas,” said Megatron, falsely assuming his mood shift was related to the weapon, “You’re enough trouble as it is–”
“–Ultra Magnus delivered my assignment, crew, and ship to me personally.” said the Autobot.
Silence fell over them, and Megatron took the opportunity to look the mech over once more, analyzing. He knows he’s not wrong in his assumptions– he knows firsthand of Optimus prowess on the battlefield– but where is that warrior’s spirit? There should be pride in rising above the set expectations of others. Does he not realize that such praise from a warbuild is extremely rare?
And still the question remained as to why he was here, of all places. Why was Optimus assigned to be a space bridge technician, normally so far away from the action, when he was obviously one of the Autobot’s most promising troops?
Unless…
“You don’t suppose… Ultra Magnus knew…?” asked Megatron, low and soft.
Optimus’ helm whipped up, optics wide.
“Because, if he had known, perhaps… his intention was to never let us meet?” A clawed servo moved slowly, aiming to brush against blue and white faceplates using only the barest of touches, as if the small mech would turn to dust before his optics…
But Optimus jerked his helm back instead.
“No! That’s… that’s not possible. I was so careful…” said the Prime, optics darting every which-way, trying to recount every detail, every memory of his time at base, ignoring the warbuild in front of him. Megatron dropped his servo.
“Hm. Well, if you say so.”
“I know so. Besides, he probably would have smelted me if he knew, regardless of my rank at the Academy–”
“Aha!” Megatron doubled back on him with a grin, “So you do rank highly among your peers!!”
“That’s not– no! I mean, I… I’m just a space bridge technician!”
Megatron sat– actually sat– down, lounging in front of him, languid and controlled, like a predator resting before a new hunt.
“Oh ho ho~” he laughed warmly, a deep rumbling sound that nearly made Optimus gulp, “Somehow, I doubt that… Optimus Prime~.”
Lmfaoooo, I just imagined?? A silly TFA soul mate-wrist thing?
I know this AU has been done a million times but like?? Imagine Optimus hiding his from his peers and no one knows why? They’re like… oh, maybe he’s embarrassed…
But the truth is that he thinks he’ll be tried for treason before he even graduates the Academy because it is there he learns that damn name on his wrist is ALSO the name of the warlord responsible for this war he was born into????
Just imagine an instructor being like “A name you should all do well to remember… and that name is… Megatron.” And Optimus goes “EEP.”
“Something wrong, Optimus?”
“NO, NOTHING, UHHH HE’S JUST SO SCARY, IS ALL…”
Umm??? Can I add to this???
Assuming the events of TFA still happen maybe Optimus purposely doesn’t let Megatron know his name on earth.
Like in the og Megatron calls Optimus ‘Prime’ all of the time because he don’t give a fuck but here maybe Optimus purposely doesn’t let anyone say his name.
Like it’s the middle of a typical battle and Prowl is like
“Opti-!”
And Optimus is constantly interjecting with, “YES PROWL I, THE PRIME AM PAYING ATTENTION”
And everyone involved even the Decepticons are just like, “The fuck is wrong with this guy”
I’m cackling. One day, Megs and pals knock Optimus out and start grabbing him to take him as a hostage or something, and Bumblebee runs up like, “Hey! You let Optimus go!!!”
And Megs goes bolt-stiff.
“…O….. Optimus???? That can’t be–” and he quickly flips the poor guy around, frantically searching for the wrist with his own damn name on it, and finally, “Oh… slag.”
“Change of plans, Blitzwing. You all hold them off while I… uh, secure the prisoner. Do not return to base until I say so.”
“You have our word, Lord Megatron.” *clik wrr* “And MY AXE!” *swings Optimus’ confiscated battle axe*
(I’m gonna start this with a… Should we colab on this… Or….?)
I want a scene where Megatron is kinda really concerned about it.
Like yes he has a responsibility to the Decepticons and yes he’s gotta take back Cybertron but right now? He’s gotta figure out a way to fix this mess.
Do you know how many times he’s tried to kill or had threatened to kill the Prime? So he’s absolutely panicked about what Optimus is gonna do when he wakes up and oh God didn’t Starscream actually Kill Optimus once? This is such a mess oh God-
“Are you gonna just stare at me all day? Or ee we gonna get down to the torture?”
AND WHEN DID OPTIMUS WAKE UP!?
Never could Optimus have imagined a warlord’s plating was capable of jolting as dramatically as that– but it definitely did– and now here he was, trying not to let it occupy his thoughts more than his escape protocols. How long will it be until he can loosen these cables…? Damn…
Megatron quickly gained composure and tried to take control of the situation, “I should be the one asking questions here….. Prime.”
Oh hell, he hesitated.
And the little Autobot noticed, if the subtle squirming stopping was of any indication.
Slag it all.
“As it stands, I only have one for now: what is your name?”
(I hope it’s ok if I cut in briefly?)
Optimus told him.
And then took entirely too much pleasure in watching the fearsome Lord of the Decepticons raise both servos to his helm in a gesture most certainly learned from a human (after all, Cybertronians had no hair TO tear), glare at him with utter frustration, groan, and then lower his servos.
“Of all the slagprocessored…” Megatron looked at his wrist, then at Optimus, then back again, and Optimus had to admit, it was nice to see that Megatron was handling this worse than he had.
“Yeah,” he said, because there were times and places for discretion and this wasn’t one, “now imagine having to hide it from the Elite Guard all your function.”
This was a problem.
Megatron had always imagined someone larger, more intimidating, more Decepticon. A name like Optimus didn’t lend itself well to someone so… So… Autobot. But perhaps, Megatron pensively admitted, this may be caused by his ideals, not the reality.
“This… Complicates things,” Megatron admitted.
“No shit Sherlock,” Optimus bit back, though it lacked a certain spark to it.
Optimus had relented long ago that it was very unlikely he would ever really bond. Perhaps once apon a time, as an idealistic Prime on his was to a council seat there was hope; a hope for a bond bringing peace. But now? A spacebridge technician with little more than a small team at his side. He had long ago squashed any childish dreams of this working. He had moved on already.
So let Megatron’s rejection come. They would clear the air, and go back to fighting. Simple.
…right?
Megatron stared down at the smaller mech and sighed. He was lonely; after the first few million years (and a very ill-advised fling with Starscream that had literally ended explosively), he’d grown resigned to the fact someone had probably killed this “Optimus” early in the war.
No, apparently, quite the opposite.
Primus. He was so tiny. He had a ‘sparkmate’ (like he believed that slag!) (okay, he did, a little, you had to with Strika and Lugnut around) that he could break onehanded.
Who was staring at him with something like resignation.
“You’re a spacebridge technician,” Megatron said, and watched Optimus hunch smaller. “What the frag is someone so…competent doing as a spacebridge technician?”
Lmfaoooo, I just imagined?? A silly TFA soul mate-wrist thing?
I know this AU has been done a million times but like?? Imagine Optimus hiding his from his peers and no one knows why? They’re like… oh, maybe he’s embarrassed…
But the truth is that he thinks he’ll be tried for treason before he even graduates the Academy because it is there he learns that damn name on his wrist is ALSO the name of the warlord responsible for this war he was born into????
Just imagine an instructor being like “A name you should all do well to remember… and that name is… Megatron.” And Optimus goes “EEP.”
“Something wrong, Optimus?”
“NO, NOTHING, UHHH HE’S JUST SO SCARY, IS ALL…”
Umm??? Can I add to this???
Assuming the events of TFA still happen maybe Optimus purposely doesn’t let Megatron know his name on earth.
Like in the og Megatron calls Optimus ‘Prime’ all of the time because he don’t give a fuck but here maybe Optimus purposely doesn’t let anyone say his name.
Like it’s the middle of a typical battle and Prowl is like
“Opti-!”
And Optimus is constantly interjecting with, “YES PROWL I, THE PRIME AM PAYING ATTENTION”
And everyone involved even the Decepticons are just like, “The fuck is wrong with this guy”
I’m cackling. One day, Megs and pals knock Optimus out and start grabbing him to take him as a hostage or something, and Bumblebee runs up like, “Hey! You let Optimus go!!!”
And Megs goes bolt-stiff.
“…O….. Optimus???? That can’t be–” and he quickly flips the poor guy around, frantically searching for the wrist with his own damn name on it, and finally, “Oh… slag.”
“Change of plans, Blitzwing. You all hold them off while I… uh, secure the prisoner. Do not return to base until I say so.”
“You have our word, Lord Megatron.” *clik wrr* “And MY AXE!” *swings Optimus’ confiscated battle axe*
(I’m gonna start this with a… Should we colab on this… Or….?)
I want a scene where Megatron is kinda really concerned about it.
Like yes he has a responsibility to the Decepticons and yes he’s gotta take back Cybertron but right now? He’s gotta figure out a way to fix this mess.
Do you know how many times he’s tried to kill or had threatened to kill the Prime? So he’s absolutely panicked about what Optimus is gonna do when he wakes up and oh God didn’t Starscream actually Kill Optimus once? This is such a mess oh God-
“Are you gonna just stare at me all day? Or ee we gonna get down to the torture?”
AND WHEN DID OPTIMUS WAKE UP!?
Never could Optimus have imagined a warlord’s plating was capable of jolting as dramatically as that– but it definitely did– and now here he was, trying not to let it occupy his thoughts more than his escape protocols. How long will it be until he can loosen these cables…? Damn…
Megatron quickly gained composure and tried to take control of the situation, “I should be the one asking questions here….. Prime.”
Oh hell, he hesitated.
And the little Autobot noticed, if the subtle squirming stopping was of any indication.
Slag it all.
“As it stands, I only have one for now: what is your name?”
(I hope it’s ok if I cut in briefly?)
Optimus told him.
And then took entirely too much pleasure in watching the fearsome Lord of the Decepticons raise both servos to his helm in a gesture most certainly learned from a human (after all, Cybertronians had no hair TO tear), glare at him with utter frustration, groan, and then lower his servos.
“Of all the slagprocessored…” Megatron looked at his wrist, then at Optimus, then back again, and Optimus had to admit, it was nice to see that Megatron was handling this worse than he had.
“Yeah,” he said, because there were times and places for discretion and this wasn’t one, “now imagine having to hide it from the Elite Guard all your function.”
Relatively new to the tfa fandom but man have I been thinking about Blitzwing and trines
Don’t know where I got this idea from but I’m pretty sure he was experimented on, yeah? Anyway, what if Blitzwing was at one point a trine that got frankensteined into one body in some attempt to make a super soldier
And the separate personalities where the three trinemates
Ok but I love the idea of Megatron and Optimus with Megatron (originally, in Optimus’ mind, this terrifying, ancient, but ultimately brilliant and responsible as hell, I mean he runs an army warlord) basically being a terrible influence and talking Optimus into doing all the dumb shit he was too uptight to do in the Academy (and then, too miserable to do).
And Optimus is just having the time of his life.
And meanwhile, Megs is in a similar position, because he’s never taken the time to do all that dumb shit, either – never had the opportunity, never had anyone with whom he could unwind like that – and he’s likewise having a blast …
And Strika just shakes her head and cleans up after them, because finally the big dope is happy.
Kindling is difficult and always comes with the risk that the growing newspark will overexert the host, killing them either through siphoning too much energy off their spark, overtaking them in their need for energon and raw materials, or simply endangering them by placing them in a more vulnerable state.
When multiple bots really wanna go through the arduous process of creating another Cybertronian in a taboo and dangerous fashion, they have to first figure out if one or two or any of them (a “typical” cybertronian relationship has 3-5 members rather than 2) are capable of kindling, and from there it’s a long process of repeatedly attempting to sparkmerge into creating a new spark- a rare and energy-heavy process. Frome there, the newspark has to be fed, sheltered, and will slowly grow a body bit by bit as the host’s own nanites and energon feeds it.
Eventually, it forms it’s own pre-shell, an “egg” or perhaps more appropriately a “seed” which is removed and implanted in a fertile environment- the surface of Cybertron is ideal for this, but failing that somewhere with sufficient metals and available energy can be created artificially. The seed grows for several weeks to several months, depending upon size and available resources, generally resulting in smaller and less developed individual in resource-poor conditions. This continues to grow until a young Cybertronian eventually emerges from their now-depleted pod!
The remains of the pod are generally consumed immediately after. “Newborn” Cybertronians are not like human infants nor human children, rather they’re closer to fully developed animals in most respects. While their processors are still developing and they’ll eagerly learn everything presented to them, they are ultimately creatures of instinct- they’ll eat just about anything and they are absolutely voracious. Typically they’ll be able to find sources of necessary metals and energon nearby, being provided by their creators/caretakers, but otherwise pods naturally develop in resource-rich areas or if there are other pods/younglings in the area it’s not uncommon for them to resort to cannibalism if left to their own devices.
Kindling is seen as taboo at best, always dangerous, and for most it’s seen as sacrilegious and as an offense both to the perceived “natural” order of things as well as being a legal offense across most of Cybertron. Kindling is perceived by the common public as an out-of-control potential for population growth, as an act of defiance in the light of Primus (After all, real Cybertronians come from Cybertron, not from other bots) and generally as just kinda icky.
It doesn’t help that most Cybertronians would have no ability to kindle newsparks without extensive modifications, save for a few select subtypes of Cybertronian- most notably the Insecticons (who not only kindle but tend to produce clones of themselves or drone units prodigiously), Predacons (who are seen as violent animals for the most part), and “Walkers” – a lower class of Cybertronians with native animal lifeforms as their altmodes.
Kindled Cybertronians commonly won’t admit to their heritage for means of survival, and are commonly using forged or stolen identities to pass as Forged or even Cold-Constructed mechanisms.
There are rumors that kindled and kindling-capable mechanisms disappear off the streets in some cities and are never seen again. That they wind up in Institutes, or are disassembled for experiments.
He should hurry, being in this part of the city after dusk is suicidal, but an oddity catches his eye. There’s a slumped figure in the alley, something is very wrong with it. Cautiously Ultron approaches and understands: the bot has no legs – below ankles there’s just a mess of mangled metal and wires, rust is starting to seep in between chipped paint. The cripple snaps his head and flickering optics swamped with terror stare at Ultron. Much like his own lately, if he has to guess. Ultron takes another step towards before thinking and the bot tries to crawl away, but it’s a dead end and so the plating rattles as his back touches the wall, distressed binary bleeps leave cracking vocalizer. There’s a great pull in his chest, a need to do something, and surprisingly even for himself – it’s not a desire to hurt. “Are you hungry? There’s a bar nearby I can sneak a couple of cubes from there”
Cybertronian Database 